Thursday, December 23, 2010

Desi Migration

Desi Migration is the regular seasonal journey undertaken by the desi species of humans. The mass movement may include those made in response to depleting homemade food, changes in weather & daytime, dwindling financial resources or as an alternative to hibernation. But the prime reason for migration can be attributed to emotional upheavals resulting from long distant family relationships.

General Patterns
Most desi populations migrate from the United States to India, either across the Atlantic Ocean with temporary nesting at European or Middle Eastern airports; or across Pacific Ocean with few hour stops in far east countries. The most common pattern occurs during the months of December-January when winter takes its toll on tropical-blooded desis instigating them to migrate to warmer locales. Few species migrate during the months of May to August for internships or to use piled up vacation days. Migrations peak around beginning or late December depending on cheap availability of plane tickets. Frustration resulting from lost or damaged baggage, being serviced by rude unattractive air-hostesses, poor food quality and lack of in-flight entertainment & legroom is a common occurrence.
Historical views
The earliest recorded observations of desi migrations were 50 years ago, primarily among the Punjabi and Gujarathi communities. Many authors have penned down their thoughts on the subject. Man Booker Prize winner Kiran Desai highlights the turmoil faced by these Desis in her book 'Inheritance of Loss'. A recent film 'Swades' inspired many of these Desis to stand and applaud in the theaters in sheer pleasure, before retiring to their comfy 24-hour-electricity-water-supplied homes.

Physiology and Control
The physiological behavior of migratory desis is genetically controlled and the ability to orient themselves after crossing several timezones is laudatory. The first signs of excitement are seen just after buying the airplane tickets. All desis have a tendency to argue vehemently about the choice and price of their tickets, marked by a condescending attitude towards the ones who got expensive deals. A month before the migration, one can see a consistent rise in the number of tweets and status updates about the impending journey and a noticeable fall in their conduct with desis who are staying back. Shopping sprees are common with each Desi competing with the rest in buying cheap electronic items, liquor chocolates and novelty products made in China. A sweeping hormonal change equips the desis to expertly pack their limited baggage with their gifts stuffed in socks and clothes to evade the Customs officials. Cheap duty-free alcoholic beverages are bought enroute with an innate desire to impress their near and dear ones.

Mating Season
For many Desis who are in the age bracket 25-35, it is a time to find a mate and bond for life.Courtships are fairly common and essential during the brief period as the females may or may not accompany the male on the journey back. Weddings are primary places to find a suitable mate as both sexes preen themselves elaborately to get attention. Some Desis are obliged to enter into a relationship with a comely female selected by their parents after careful evaluation. Such an arrangement is a unique feature among Desi species and rarely enacted among other humans.
Psychological Effects and Adaptations
Once the Desis land in India, a remarkable change occurs in their behavior. They twitch their noses registering disapproval of air around, crackle excessively about pollution or humidity and sigh at the driving conditions. Hygiene is suddenly very important to them, and every piece of garbage on the road is met with a stunned stare. It takes a while for some Desis to stay awake during the day or to touch their anal cavities after the excretion phase. Every mode of communication is heavily accented with a judicious use of American slangs in between native conversations. They do not lose a single opportunity to preach about the luxurious lifestyle in USA, and compensate for their tirades against Indian standard of living by eulogizing mom-made & street food. Their schedules are excruciatingly organized to cater to their social life and any change to the plans is strongly disputed. Their body immunity is surprisingly weak and many fall prey to gastroenteritis or diarrhoea if proper care is not taken. The end of migratory season again brings emotional disturbances among the flock resulting in tears and conflicting desires. Through tearful goodbyes, the Desis begin their return journey with big waistlines and bigger luggage items, fearing the hardships ahead... work-wise and workout-wise.

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When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.


Rocket said...

shabash mere sher/wagh ... kaunse waale desi ke condescending attitude se ye post likhi. "Inheritance of loss" ka kya relation hai desi-migration se. wo bande ke paas to visa bhi nahi hota wapas aane ke liye.

S.Wagh said...

not related to migration, but desis in general.. should have found a better example...

btw, Chanel ki wajah se, aur kaun? :p

Aditya Khatkhate said...

Really good one, Sid... Well thought and beautifully worded..

snigdha shrivatsav said...

Reminded of my GRE days... :P :P ..
Jokes was hilarious.. Good one... Hope to see many more.. :)

Maitreyi said...

Hey ...I have got an opportunity to go through your article..Kunal has forwarded to me.. :) and I must tell you that I didn't repent ..! Excellent you are..!!Keep writing and looking forward for more splendid articles..!
btw..I am the girl you saw with Kunal :)