Wednesday, May 28, 2008

BC assessment letter

At my workplace, they used to hand us a letter, call that a progress report, of our work at the dining hall. We needed to accumulate a certain number of points (20, wasn't it?) and have no more than a few absentees. Well, if at all they had any idea of the secret activities that went behind that spotless fabric, this is how the letter would have looked/sounded like...
Reader discretion advised...

Division of Dining Services

Brour CoumansStudent Employment ProgramRutkers University - Division of Dining Services999 Collage Avenue, Old Brunswick, NJ 08903732 732 7321

Student Employee Monthly Assessment

Siddharth Wagh

My dear Siddharth,

At the end of October 2007, your record indicates that you have accumulated a total of 23 apples, 12 bananas, 3 chicken pattice with wheat bread and 5.6 litres of Gatorade towards your groceries from Brower Commons. Additionally, you called out from work saying you had a midterm when you were seen bouncing on the section 131 at the Rutgers-WV game. You have a total of 3 cuts on your hand due to negligence and medicated twice for the same. You were late 2 time(s) and left early 3 times. You have smuggled in two students in the dining hall and smuggled out 2 bottles of ketchup. To complete your end of the semester bonus, you must invite 2 more friends from the back door, drink 7 liters of chocolate milk and chat for a total of 6 more hours with your colleagues during work time. If you notice any discrepancies in the above totals, I stay at 234 Easton Ave, New Brunswick, NJ 08903. See you after office hours. Thank you for your time.

Mellony Kreeger
Student Unit manager

Comments: You have been nominated for the student worker of the month award for your dastardly act of bravery at the dining hall last Friday. If you have any questions, you know where I live.

All characters and actions are fictitious and any resemblance to any person or thing, living or dead, is purely coincidental...

Creative Commons License
When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The 'Brower Commons' award ceremony...

A special thanks to Miss Vaidehi for keeping this alive...
This piece was written after my first semester when I spent 3 months working at a dining hall at college avenue campus 'Brower Commons' ... My first job, it gave me so much food for thought as it did for my belly... It was another thing that I hated with all my heart, but still could not bear to leave... It was in those intense moments of tearing bloody beef boxes, my mind rolled out this piece... It is a tribute to all those workers, my friends who made life a lot easier for me at that place... Read on...

"Here is the moment you all have been waiting for... The 2275th monthly student worker awards at Brower Commons are out... Here are the Student workers who have found glory and well, some food at BC...

Student worker of the month award: PRASHANT / RONAK SHAH (real)

Actual deserving student worker award: AKSHAY SHETTY

Salad bar mismanagement award: MOHNISH KULKARNI

Cereal Bar disaster award: ANKIT SARDA

Chicken-tastes-yum award: SNEHAPREETHI GOPINATH

Wrap-n-steal award: DEEPTI VETE

Fastest Do-the-window worker award: SIDDHARTH WAGH

God-knows-how-he's-still-not-fired award: INDRANEEL KULKARNI

What-the-hell-is-Punching-Out award: PRASHANT JADHAV

BC-my dream job award: VAIDEHI KULKARNI

Overslept-and-late award: PUNEET KATARIA

Silent worker award: RONAK SHAH

Congratulations to all deserving candidates... You made it!
All the unfortunate people who didn't have a chance to work at BC, think again... Apply now and load your larders with the tastiest food in the whole world...

Till then...

Signing out...

Siddharth Wagh
To-be Student manager...

Disclaimer: The writer claims no responsibility for the after-effects of this piece of trash..."

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sneak peek into the 'ALL NEW FACEBOOK'

There was a time when I hated Facebook - the all-american social networking site... I still hate it with all my heart, but there are some addictions you can't really get rid off (unless you are dropped on a deserted island with a gorgeous blonde) ... This piece formed in my mind long back... I wish i had written it then, cos I was full of ideas about it... This might be a little bland, but does convey my feelings partially... Laugh away fellas... additions are always welcome...

Creative Commons License
When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.