Sunday, December 7, 2008

All the hullabaloo for nothing...

They change their gtalk/gmail/yahoo/orkut/facebook status messages...
"Terror in -----"
"Terrorist B******ds"
"ABC thinks terrorists should be hanged and stoned in public"
"XYZ salutes Indian Army"

They start tweeting and blogging incessantly providing the most unverifiable news of the minute..
A post every hour...
News links..
Video links...
Snapshots of bloodshed and mayhem...

They ping one another and discuss the news over lunch and dinner times.. They express their deep concern about their peer's closed ones who might be in the vicinity of the terror...

They turn into reporters, get to the terror spot with the help of their privileged friends and take pictures to portray their guts on a facade and often form objects of instant dislike for authorities trying to get the situation under control...

They brag about their or their friend's close shave with death, however anti-close that might be...

They open communities and pages dedicating to the attack and spew out venom in the discussion forums...

They take out peace processions, taking a leaf outta 'Rang De Basanti", they hold candlelight vigils at tourist places and take photos with their gizmos to prove their solidarity towards the cause... They feel even if they gain nothing through such activities, they lose nothing as well...

They watch news channels throughout the day and fume and splutter at the politicians who visit the terror sites with movie directors and bollywood sons...

They hold up placards delineating the pathetic condition of the nation, and cursing politicians and terrorists alike, designating them to the level of dogs, which they feel is vile enough...

And then they write blog posts like these listing out the shortcomings of today's generation...

Who are they??? They are me. I am them. I am one of those countless young generation of India who are so apathetic and helpless, that we seek divine intervention for all our problems...

We are animals, nothing more... We are the sheep, a pack of wolves attacks us and takes a kill or two, and all we do is maaaa...maaaa... maaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
Do not compare us to eunuchs or dogs, for they lead far more dignified lives than us...
We are the young generation of India, and unless a revolution ensues (which is highly unlikely in a country like ours), we are here to sit and watch...


Creative Commons License
When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The long distance relationship with terrorism

root: phy:/dev/hda1
Error: root device does not exist

Buzz...
??
Her: Firing at Taj Hotel
Me: what?
Her: firing and grenades at taj, oberoi, cst
Me: Its happening now??
Her: Yes (copy pastes News bulletin for my benefit)
Me: ok, ya, achha...
Her: Looks like these terrorists have a lot of time on their hands. They could do my assignment instead.

I ignore the comment.
State of alertness. My drowsiness is completely engulfed by the desire to know more.
www.cnn.com, oh..crap.. No desi news here
Google: Ndtv.com ... Live Telecast: BREAKING NEWS: Mumbai under terror attack: 2 dead, 25 injured

Ping... a link from Times of India
Me: i know.
He: Vile Parle also.
Me: Crazy.

Thoughts...
"Family??? Nah, its 11:30 pm. They would be glued to TV at this time. borivli's far off from all concerned places anyways."
Mind scans for any prospective relatives or friends staying near the C places.
"Destiny... Hopefully none hurt..."

Vision...
"Should I catch a plane home right away?"
"Dont be ridiculous. You can do nothing about it."
"Maybe, may be, when I make a lot of money, and have the power to set things right... I will."

Time: 11:45 pm. IST
"Should call home..."
"Nah, they must be asleep, also they dont want too know that you know about this."
"No, they must be stuck to the TV"
"Later..."

Ring, ring...
"Lunch?"
I have this code to decode! chuck it, I am too excited anyways...
"Ok. Meet me in lobby"

Outside...
Me: "Saw news?? Mumbai mein blasts, firing..."
She: What??? Where?
Me: CST, Taj...
She: (relieved) Ok.

Campus Center:
Chitter, chatter... Interviews, engagement, tiffin mysteries, French fries, Class, Swimming...

back to lab...
Ring, Ring...
He: "Heard about blasts??"
Me: (hoping for no bad news) "ya, your folks alright??"
He: Ya... yours?
Me: Guess so, havent called cos its late
(small guilty pang)
He: Ok, Bye then.
Click.

I look at the time. 1:17 am (IST)
They are asleep now for sure. little relief.
"Will talk later anyways..."
Back to work...

Friday, November 14, 2008

American vocab...

"Hi, How are you?"
Any reply that goes beyond the 3 words "I am good" will be ignored outright...

"Wassup?"
No reply expected at all.

"Thank You"
Must be followed by a "you are welcome" within 2 seconds, or considered rude...

"Morning..."
Silent "good"...

"Beautiful weather..."
Any random passerby might offer that to you with a big smile under blue skies, bright sunlight and temperatures ranging around 70 F...

"Photocopier"
Your very own life-saver XEROX machine...

"Restroom"
Where one usually 'rests' on a toilet seat with a handy newspaper...

"Like"
Usually used as a 'period' or a 'comma' for long sentences
eg. I was 'like' what is she doing.. i mean 'like' she just had a breakfast...

"You know"
Where you are supposed to know, though you have no clue where the hell the discussion is going... Useful during interviews.

"Whatever"
Use when you are least interested...

"You are good"
Taken as a sign of well-being. Good to hear from an advisor or from your boss...

"Are you single?"
A comment from the opposite sex that is supposed to make your heart flutter...

"Yes"
An answer that means that you are a loser... Only applies to men over the age of 15...

"1st floor"
The damn 'ground' floor...

"Patio"
A 6X6 feet open airy/non-airy balcony space

"Microwave Oven"
A basic necessity

"Cheese"
The reason 90% of American beautiful women have thighs double your size...

"Extra cheese"
The reason 90% of Americans have weight double yours...

Okra = Lady's fingers
Peppers = Chillies
Tortillas = Maize chapatis
Eggplant = Brinjals
Broccoli = When cabbage and cauliflower cross-breed

Sidart = Siddharth

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Our first meeting...

The 27th of November, 2007... It was a sunny lazy afternoon... But not lazy enough for me... for I was expecting him... for whom I waited so long...

No one was at home. I was all alone. My pulse raced as I anticipated our meeting. How would he look like? Would he satisfy me? After all, we had met online just once. I had never done this before. Back in India, the need just wasn't strong enough. Now I wanted him desperately.

He might not show up so early. Or would he show up at all? My mind grew tired with the thoughts when suddenly, the bell screeched. I ran, literally. "Not so fast dude! You need to control yourself..." I said to myself.

Composed and calm, I went down the stairs. There he was. With a friend. Why the hell did he get him along? I felt a pang of jealousy. But the friend smirked and bid a hasty goodbye. 'His driver...' I presumed.

He was all dressed up for the coldest day of the year. Why the heck did he need all those clothes in this pleasant weather? Oh, yes. Probably, it would be more fun that way. Taking them off, one at a time...

I brought him inside. My heart pulsed hard. What do I do? Where do I begin? He was silent. Damn, he must be as nervous as myself. He was new to this. Same as me.

Finally, I made him sit. Time stood still watching, as I took off his garments. He didn't stop me. I moved fast. The last piece of clothing... Gone. Smooth his skin, fine his texture. dark and handsome, he smiled back at me, naked and stiff...

With one last breath I gave up all my control and touched him with the passion of a true lover.

One click and my brand new DELL sprang to life...


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When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Quarter Life Crisis...

There are some things that you can relate to so well that they have a profound impact on you... This piece on the Wikipedia saved me from hitting the rock bottom a few days back... Lucky me, i knew this phrase already and just had to google it out...

It also brought out a stark reality about us. Fear of the Unknown. We fear something we do not understand. We fear strangers unless and until we talk to them and get to know them well. We fear embarking on a new project until we read up on it and grease our hands working on it. We fear about something paining severely under our ribs until the doctor assures us that it is plain gas. If only we overcome this fear of the unknown, we can do a lot better controlling our selves and our mindset. Here is an extract of the article...

The quarterlife crisis (QLC) is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the ages of 21 - 29. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis. It is now recognised by many therapists and professionals in the mental health field.

Emotional aspects:

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:
  • feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
  • frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
  • confusion of identity
  • insecurity regarding the near future
  • insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
  • insecurity regarding present accomplishments
  • re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
  • disappointment with one's job
  • nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
  • tendency to hold stronger opinions
  • boredom with social interactions
  • loss of closeness to high school and college friends
  • financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, high cost of living, etc.)
  • loneliness
  • desire to have children
  • a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you
For more info, refer..
Source: Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter_life_crisis

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Look who's talking...

This secret has been well guarded for years... It's time for it to come out before everyone... I have a peculiar God's gift... I can listen to animals' talk... Yes, just like that man in his torn underpants running about in the woods with a pole tied to his back... What was his name again?? Darr, I guess...

Animals in India just didn't hold any interesting conversations to listen to... It was the usual, the dogs argued about who could overtake a running vehicle, or cats debating about whose nails were sharper, or cows contemplating about a zebra, rather a cow crossing on Indian streets... But it was as good as a cultural shock for me to listen to American animals talk... With all the violence around, I couldn't have expected the animals to do any better... Here are a few snippets of some conversations that took me aback...
(Disclaimer, yet again: Reader discretion advised...)


Overheard a few days back outside apartment 86 C, my temporary accommodation...

Eeriee silence... in an insignificant crack at the edge of the wooden floor...
Don Bedbug to his Sniper bedbug...
"Is the victim loaded with our sharp shooters?"

Sniper (sweating..) : Don... err.. Sir... we couldn't do it...

Don (stern expression) : What do you mean by that?

Sniper: Sir... forgive me Sir, the team went haywire! There were too many of them to suck up!!

Don: (thundering...) : You were given a specific task! He (Me) was the juiciest of them all!! He didn't even resist to our attack last summer! He is called the 'worst bitten' case of Cedar! And you let him go?? Scot-free??

Sniper: Please forgive me Don... We tried... We reached 126 B at the precise time that we had heard him mention on the phone... He was there... There were just two girls with him... We have loaded their beds already... All was going as planned, we had our best bugs positioned to take the plunge in his clothes when all of a sudden, a dozen men appeared from nowhere! Some were fresh, never touched at all! Our boys lost their focus! They began to move towards others...

Don (standing up...) WHAT??? It was your job to control the team! He dosen't even stay with plump bearded guy(Onkar) who massacred our best bugs that *PEEP* night! All you had to do is jump and stick to him. We would have silenced all our operations for this summer if we had him. YOU RUINED IT!!

Sniper(whimpering and begging...) I am sorry, I am so sorry!! It would not happen again... i promise...

Don (expressionless) : There shall be no 'again' for you...
His hand signals. A sharp gunshot is heard. Eerie silence follows...


Another piece overheard at a small pig farm on the outskirts of Rutgers University...

Mommy pig: Sweety... Dont go far from home, and dont get yourself dirty! The farmer won't like it!

Sonny pig: No, mommy. I won't! I am just going over to watch the food trucks coming our way. I love to see them!!!

A grrrr of engines is heard... A dozen food trucks lined up, with the big red R shining on their body, make their way into the farm... All piglets run after the trucks shouting with delight.

Sonny to Ronny: Hey, you know what??? Rutgers got the third place in the all US food recycling competition!! I bet they will reward us for our efforts!! I am sure they will have cheese cakes smeared with extra cheese in truck number 9. I will be the first one to pounce on it.

Ronny: You veggie freak! You will never know how meat tastes like. You know that cow that snorted at us last week?? They say, her pot pie lies in truck 8. I am eager to bite into her.

Sonny: You cannibals with eat your own kin!! I will stick to my veggie diet for sure.

The trucks unload their wastes into the pig eateries. A fight breaks out. The farmer fires his gun. All pigs afraid, walk slowly to their food.

Ronny to his mommy: Mommy!! Come fast... I got the cow! Lets feast on her.

Mommy: Good boy!! This looks tasty. Lets munch on.

Grunts and oinks are heard all around.

Mommy: This meat reminds me of your dad. I hope he's doing good at Peter- the farmer's place. Our caretaker told me that they always have the best food in there. And the best pigs. I will skin him alive if he goes near any piggy!!

Ronny: When will they send you there Maa??

Mommy: Soon dear. Very soon. Your dad has the same color as this ham piece here. It even smells like him! How weird!!

Ronny: Dont worry about that mommy. Yesterday, Bonny told me that his food smelt like his uncle Goofer. I think when you are thinking about someone, you can feel him all around.

Mommy: Oh my bright Ronny. You are so right!! I will pray to God that he sends you at Peter's soon enough after me. We will be a complete family again!!

Ronny: MMmmm... ya... munch,,,munch...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

BC assessment letter

At my workplace, they used to hand us a letter, call that a progress report, of our work at the dining hall. We needed to accumulate a certain number of points (20, wasn't it?) and have no more than a few absentees. Well, if at all they had any idea of the secret activities that went behind that spotless fabric, this is how the letter would have looked/sounded like...
Reader discretion advised...


RUTKERS
Division of Dining Services

Brour CoumansStudent Employment ProgramRutkers University - Division of Dining Services999 Collage Avenue, Old Brunswick, NJ 08903732 732 7321

Student Employee Monthly Assessment

Siddharth Wagh

My dear Siddharth,

At the end of October 2007, your record indicates that you have accumulated a total of 23 apples, 12 bananas, 3 chicken pattice with wheat bread and 5.6 litres of Gatorade towards your groceries from Brower Commons. Additionally, you called out from work saying you had a midterm when you were seen bouncing on the section 131 at the Rutgers-WV game. You have a total of 3 cuts on your hand due to negligence and medicated twice for the same. You were late 2 time(s) and left early 3 times. You have smuggled in two students in the dining hall and smuggled out 2 bottles of ketchup. To complete your end of the semester bonus, you must invite 2 more friends from the back door, drink 7 liters of chocolate milk and chat for a total of 6 more hours with your colleagues during work time. If you notice any discrepancies in the above totals, I stay at 234 Easton Ave, New Brunswick, NJ 08903. See you after office hours. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Mellony Kreeger
Student Unit manager

Comments: You have been nominated for the student worker of the month award for your dastardly act of bravery at the dining hall last Friday. If you have any questions, you know where I live.

Disclaimer:
All characters and actions are fictitious and any resemblance to any person or thing, living or dead, is purely coincidental...



Creative Commons License
When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The 'Brower Commons' award ceremony...


A special thanks to Miss Vaidehi for keeping this alive...
This piece was written after my first semester when I spent 3 months working at a dining hall at college avenue campus 'Brower Commons' ... My first job, it gave me so much food for thought as it did for my belly... It was another thing that I hated with all my heart, but still could not bear to leave... It was in those intense moments of tearing bloody beef boxes, my mind rolled out this piece... It is a tribute to all those workers, my friends who made life a lot easier for me at that place... Read on...

"Here is the moment you all have been waiting for... The 2275th monthly student worker awards at Brower Commons are out... Here are the Student workers who have found glory and well, some food at BC...

Student worker of the month award: PRASHANT / RONAK SHAH (real)

Actual deserving student worker award: AKSHAY SHETTY

Salad bar mismanagement award: MOHNISH KULKARNI

Cereal Bar disaster award: ANKIT SARDA

Chicken-tastes-yum award: SNEHAPREETHI GOPINATH

Wrap-n-steal award: DEEPTI VETE

Fastest Do-the-window worker award: SIDDHARTH WAGH

God-knows-how-he's-still-not-fired award: INDRANEEL KULKARNI

What-the-hell-is-Punching-Out award: PRASHANT JADHAV

BC-my dream job award: VAIDEHI KULKARNI

Overslept-and-late award: PUNEET KATARIA

Silent worker award: RONAK SHAH

Congratulations to all deserving candidates... You made it!
All the unfortunate people who didn't have a chance to work at BC, think again... Apply now and load your larders with the tastiest food in the whole world...

Till then...

Signing out...

Siddharth Wagh
To-be Student manager...
BC

Disclaimer: The writer claims no responsibility for the after-effects of this piece of trash..."

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sneak peek into the 'ALL NEW FACEBOOK'


There was a time when I hated Facebook - the all-american social networking site... I still hate it with all my heart, but there are some addictions you can't really get rid off (unless you are dropped on a deserted island with a gorgeous blonde) ... This piece formed in my mind long back... I wish i had written it then, cos I was full of ideas about it... This might be a little bland, but does convey my feelings partially... Laugh away fellas... additions are always welcome...


Creative Commons License
When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.