Thursday, November 19, 2009

Lost in the House of Family Guy at South Park

I open my eyes. My hands wander over the deep gash on the side of my stomach squirting a thick red fluid. Tall palm trees sway with the sea breeze casting sunny patterns over the ground. I raise my hand to shade my eyes only to shudder at a scream calling "JACK!"... Sound of two feet running towards me and a familiar brush of brown curly hair over my face... "Kate, where am I?" Her blue eyes ooze concern & words escape her dimpled cheeks, "Jack, we got to move, we must reach the temple before sundown..." An arm round her, I try to stand up, searing pain rages in my insides... We try to walk, trundle, her warm body inspiring hope... 'Wait.. Is it getting brighter? Kate?? What's happening??' A white light pierces the sky, blinds us outright. We fall.

Hurried shuffle of feet. I am on a cart, on something white & soft, and a bandage round my waist. I try to focus on the people around. Thirteen's kohled eyes pierce my being, making me flush. 'He's awake.." she blurts. "Can you understand us, Mr... (refers the file) Shephard?", asks Dr. Chase. "Where is Kate?", I manage to whisper. Chase throws a cursive glance at Foreman who sighs, 'Lupus, just as we suspected...". "IT'S NOT LUPUS!", a sudden halt threatens to throw me overboard. A mahogany stick pecks me on the head. "Can't you see this purple patch on his scalp? It's a symptom of atrioventricular esometry." Foreman is undeterred, "How do you explain his irregular heart beats, and the brown urine?" House makes a face, "You're right about me being wrong, but wrong about you being right!" I feel a stab in my leg, " My leg, it hurts... Ahh, I can't stand it.. ARGHHHH..". House takes control, "Thirteen! 5 ml of antidopamine, Chase!! Get the MRI ready... Foreman, get Cuddy!" I pass out.

"Joe, JOE! You are my best friend, you can't leave me... Answer me now!!" I feel short of breath as I gasp for air. "PETER!! Get off my oxygen tube!!" Peter jumps down from the bed, and I heave a sigh of relief. I am in a sterile hospital room with beepers & displays. "He he... he he.. I almost farted in that tube" quips Peter. Lois snaps at her husband - "Now, that's not right Peter, we almost lost Joe, we are lucky to have him back..." SLAPP... Stewie barks "Mother! You are one weeny bitch! I studied the position of the island, geometry of stars and planned for Joe to get on the Oceanic 815 , to forever banish him from my world! How dare you bring him back!!" "Aww, Stewie, I think you need some milk, here.." She stuffs him with the bottle. "Let's get you back on the wheelchair Joe. They discharged you from Princeton-Plainsborough." They wheel me out of the room and I breathe in the fresh morning air.

The car screeches to a halt outside a two-storeyed house. Wishing me goodbye, Peter drives off to pick up Chris from the football game. I trudge along to the house and ring the bell. Stan opens the door looking aghast. "Kyle!! LOOK! Its Kenny!!" Kyle looks up from his PS3. "Whoa, man.. How are you here?? Didn't your family win a 4 day - 3 night trip to Australia or something??" I try to make sense of what they were saying just as Eric bumps in from behind. "Hey guys, hi Kenny... Guys, Kenny's mom called my mom. She says Kenny's suffering from poor-rotten-mad-cow disease and we must not play with him." Kyle yells " Up yours fat ass! Making up stories. Go find someone else to play with... Come in Kenny". Eric walks back to his tricycle, "Screw you guys! I am going home to munch on cheesy poops and play on the new PS4 that my mom got for me!!" Kyle & Stan stare agape. I join my best friends in the 'World of Warcraft' piling on points. We reach the final stage, standing under the castle. I ask Stan to lend me his enchanted sword & Kyle, half his health potion when suddenly a large dragon flies down & gulps me alive. Just before I am about to be swallowed, I hear Stewie laughing in the background, Kyle yelling "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!!" & Stan retorting "YOU BASTARDS!!"...

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When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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