[JOB POSTING] I Inc. looking to hire fake girlfriend

Requisition #: V696969                   Location: Bymyside

Job Title: Fake Girlfriend                 Region: Tristate Area

Area of Interest: Me                        Level of Experience: 2+

Flexible Work Option: Yes

Job Description: I Inc. is looking for a bright, energetic fake girlfriend to help stem the peer pressure of marriage and relationships in social media. The current platform of singledom needs an architectural shift to regulate the trending public opinion about single men in their late twenties and shield it from haphazard judgements and condescension.

Responsibilities include:

• Develop cute tweets and facebook status messages regarding your deep love for I Inc. and update from both accounts
• Demonstrate gorgeous semblance in all of your pictures with I, clicked by photographers wielding SLRs in choreographed postures
• Devise timelines for anniversaries and minor events like first piss together, first time you ate a stallion's bleeding heart with I Inc. etc.
• Deliver seamless performance on consumer-driven love-days like Valentine's, buy gifts of no practical use for I Inc. and publicize every single detail on social media
• Troubleshoot negative/sarcastic comments by removing them and the commentor from friend list
• Design innovative strategies for garnering maximum likes and comments

Required Experience and Skills:

• Extensive experience with social media trends and pop-culture
• Excellent verbal skills that keep I interested in long duration phone calls, all days of the week
• Excellent written skills demonstrated by sending I love-related text messages every hour of the day
• Strong background in Mind Games Technology and PDA*
• MS** in Social Engineering with 1-2+ years of experience in a virtual character development position

Desired Experience and Skills:

• Ability to gossip with other girls about your relationship with I Inc. and make them jealous with embellished achievements
• Knowledge of the art of manipulating the moods of other single men and women by flaunting your happy relationship with I Inc. and pestering them about the reason for their singledom

                                                                                                                                      APPLY

*PDA: Public Display of Affection
*MS: Mistress of Stealth

I Inc. is a Reformative Action and Gender Specific Employer

I Inc. is a Who-Will-Verify employer

When US beckoned me by Siddharth Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.